this was from a Tday list but i think this applies to any ..

[twistedblister]

.... to any event.
enjoy

Madea's Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner

Print and give to each guest that enters your home.
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the potato salad?

Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork?

Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that; who made it?

Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out
all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk, or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be
> independent. Nibble on them damn peanuts and walnuts to
hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses down

to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear up

my damn house this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time

for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas.

If they come upstairs for any reason except that they are bleeding to death,

I will break a foot off in their asses.

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do

not care that you are thankful that your thirteen year old daughter gave
birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save the talk for

someone that gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute.
If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across

your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go for seconds! If you don't, you will be

cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year.

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
plate in my good tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again!

Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate
period or it will be a misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with! Do not leave my house
with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A
BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not

a DAYCARE CENTER. There will be a kid parent roll call every ten minutes.

Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside

until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call ACS on you ignorant ass!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat your dinner then take your ass home

or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a

15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least; ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying

to feed your family until Christmas dinner. You will be supervised when you fix your plate.
Anything over the appropiate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a

cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now
have a credit card machine. So Visa and Mastercard are now being accepted.
Life is about choices. A learning experience no matter what you choose.

[tekkentool]

Thank god i don't have to deal with this!

[twistedblister]

we are going to the track for actual US turkey day. Its a New Orleans tradition hearlding in opening day at the fiargrounds. its the only day all season people under 18 are allowed on the premisis. so its family day and racing and buffet. fun times.

[tekkentool]

we are going to the track for actual US turkey day. Its a New Orleans tradition hearlding in opening day at the fiargrounds. its the only day all season people under 18 are allowed on the premisis. so its family day and racing and buffet. fun times.

hehe, turkey day

[fishki]

nice tb, im printing that out and taking it to my moms

[twistedblister]

ha. right on fish. all familes should have this taped to the fridge :-)

well i am twenty four dollars poorer and lost all my bets but had fun watching 8 of the 12 races. we got tired.

i placed a bet to win on a horse called king crimson. how could i lose ugh.

happy Tbird day everyone.

[hippo999]

wow