Joke Thread

[cloud945076]

DO IT

[twistedblister]

tired i will do it tomorrow. its a joke about being kinky.

there is also one i will steal from the Aristocrats dvd.

and no its not a TB riff on the aristrocrats.

[cloud945076]

lol. good luck.

[twistedblister]

well i told it live in home the other night to much to type but if i ever see it online i will copy it. untill then a wha wha wha oldy but a goodie. :-O


"A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inch high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.' So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!' The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks 'No shit!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch Pianist "

laugh clown laugh.

[WHO_99]

HAHAHAHAHHA thats a great joke


five thumbs up smilies for a really funny joke

[fishki]

Ok so a man walks into a bar and orders a beer, after he finishes the beer he peeks into his shirt pocket then orders another beer, once he finishes that beer he peeks into his shirt pocket again, after doing this repeatedly six or seven times the bartender finaly asks the man "how come when you finish a beer you peek into your shirt pocket?" The man looks at the bartender and replies " Well, I have a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good I know its time to go home."

[cloud945076]

nice ones

[twistedblister]

beer goggles nice ha.

[twistedblister]

Moms living will

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch......

[WHO_99]

hahahah good one tb. ok i got two

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!


now the second one

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting for St. Peter to admit them. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits waiting for two months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wondered. "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter finally returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple. "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple. "But what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer?"

[twistedblister]

ha nice. i like the fact the cia people spoke with minerals and plants. ha.

see my english language thread.

[twistedblister]

this is on the tame side but cute. enjoy

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road
when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
'My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf..'
The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees
the wolf again. And this time he is crouched behind a bush.
'My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.'
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.


About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
'My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.'
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
'Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!

[twistedblister]

friend of mine at work sent this to me. its a variation on a popular joke. :-) enjoy

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.


A MAN'S POEM



I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with

Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This

Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.


The End

[stickcult]

This Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Basicly sums up the Man's poem. =D

[twistedblister]

ha. i have seen other iterations say ferari dealer or liquor dealer or somthing along those lines.

[Guest]

I hate girls with giant boobs. It is sick thier like grapefruits yuck

[WHO_99]

:laugh2: I hate girls with giant boobs. It is sick thier like grapefruits yuck

BLASPHEMY!!!!

[twistedblister]

Boobs are awesome. cant say there are too many i dont like

maybe old grany knee slapers but that is on the extreme side of things

[cloud945076]

Boobs vary on the girl. I dont want like DDD's on a small girl. They have to be well proportioned

[twistedblister]

3DSquared would be scary.

any way i had been looking for this in writen form for some time. enjoy

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The
woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that
she
and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed
there.
She then asked if there was something with which she could help the
gentleman with.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more
comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely
professional
and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident
that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to
discuss,
but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and
severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for
it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When s
he returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute
best
we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and
$5,000.00 a
month living expenses

[gabrile23]

I thought this one up a few weeks ago thought it was pretty good but maybe just a little dumb too.

What do you call a constipated privite detective??

Answer

---->spoiler<----

A no shit sherlock.

[fishki]

I thought this one up a few weeks ago thought it was pretty good but maybe just a little dumb too.

What do you call a constipated privite detective??

Answer

---->spoiler<----

A no shit sherlock.

[gabrile23]

I thought this one up a few weeks ago thought it was pretty good but maybe just a little dumb too.

What do you call a constipated privite detective??

Answer

---->spoiler<----

A no shit sherlock.

Im glad you liked it

[nymphetomine]

that was awsom!! gab

[twistedblister]

someone bumped the joke thread. woooot